Purple Mattresses, Positive Props and Laborious Litigants

This post is likely to confuse some of you.   To be as simple as possible, I’d like to take some time on this blog to give a dedication and shout-out to one of my two lawyers who help protect and defend Philadelinquency over the years.  Most everyone in Philly who knows me also knows my local lawyer, Jordan Rushie.  Without both of my attorneys (yes, I have two, bitches), this site wouldn’t have existed for as long as it has.

Marc J. Randazza is one of the country’s top First Amendment attorneys in trial practice.  He knows how to crush crazed plaintiffs and he’s been both a plaintiff and a defendant himself in numerous First Amendment cases, including at trial.   He’s actually the primary author behind the anti-SLAPP statute for the state of Nevada.  Randazza by the way is based out of Vegas.   I’ve had to fly him in to Philly on multiple occasions to cover my ass.   If you’re wondering why, it was over this case.

At a time when the Pennsylvania Senate was half-way considering passing its own anti-SLAPP statute, Randazza flew in to speak in front of the Philly Bar Association.  He suggested edits to its primary sponsor, Senator Farnese.   It did pass the PA Senate last year, but as all things with politics—just because a bill is popular (only 1 PA senator voted against it), doesn’t mean it will pass.   It was sidelined when the Capitol went to war with Gov. Wolf over the budget.

To give you an idea of what bullshit my lawyer goes through, let me show you this:

Now for most of my readers who don’t read legal documents all the time, this looks like a lot of legal gobbeldygook with a poop emoji.   And well… that’s exactly what it is.   This is a court filing by the makers of Purple Mattresses… you know, the people who made that clever five minute long ad on the Internet that claim their mattress is the best mattress that’s ever existed since the Universe was formed.

Well, one poor website called Honest Mattress Reviews begged to differ and offered its opinion why they didn’t agree.   And for that, the Purple people got butthurt and sued.

Given the types of plaintiffs that Randazza has had to deal with–and I follow some of the cases Randazza works on and have seen the level of batshit-crazy–I know full-well I could l be sued by Purple right now just for pointing out this very small sample of a public filing in a court case that anyone can download on the Internet from the court and read for themselves.  Both Randazza and my other lawyer Rushie were defendants in one case where a lawyer had a case of butthurt that was so severe that anyone who even wrote the guy’s name got added to the lawsuit.  That case amassed over 35 separate defendants and the plaintiff was squashed like a bug.

But I really don’t need to worry all that much about being sued by Purple over a nothingburger, because I’m being represented by Randazza.

You’d be surprised at how much stuff that’s way more germane and far less controversial than what I post on Philadelinquency gets thrown into a court case, sometimes even into a trial.   Pennsylvania taxpayers invariably suffer as a result of civil court dockets being clogged with a lot of bullshit defamation suits.  Those cases compete for judges time and it delays other far more important cases on the docket with serious outcomes.

It would be nice if Pennsylvania gets its act together and re-evaluates whether it’s worth the time to keep our civil courts clogged-up like this.  With an anti-SLAPP statute on the books it would make it possible for more journalists to defend their work at a far cheaper cost and be able to take investigative journalism risks rather than to sell one’s soul and turning their papers into click-whore sites that entice Philly residents with human-interest stories and crap news about the Eagles that’s not even worth reading even when sitting on the commode.

If I didn’t have my attorneys to fall back on, I would have shut Philadelinquency down a long time ago and taken everything I have built here along with it.

All thanks to that man somewhere out in Vegas who is taking a sip from his whisky glass right now and crafting a response to a poop emoji filing to tell opposing counsel he can go fuck himself.

If you’re facing some person or company who has serious Internet butthurt and it’s heading to court, give this man a call.

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