So yesterday in City Council, this group of eight council members have put out a tongue-lashing against DA Rufus Seth Williams.  OK OK, there’s also Wilson Goode, Jr. but he doesn’t really count since Philly voters showed his ass the door during the spring primaries.

Wendy Ruderman at the Inky has a neat story that makes it look like our District Attorney could be in for some deep doo-doo.  His real situation is far more rosy than Ruderman paints.   Barring something really damaging showing up in his campaign finance reports other than some gym memberships being charged to his campaign, he can just ignore all this fuss over the porn and go out drinking and smoking cigars with the guys.

Here’s the real situation:

Most Philadelphia voters who will turn out at the polls in 2017—yes, you can’t decide on his fate until two years from now–will not give a shit about Porngate by then.

The 2017 election cycle is the most boring one of all–the only races worth mentioning are the District Attorney and the City Controller.   Voters are never excited about this, so only die-hard voters ever turn up.   The last DA/Controller election cycle had polling stations where only 10 people turned up.   And that’s from 7AM to 8PM all day.  The only way to be lonelier is to work at a public library in a remote corner of Arizona.

Voters also will not care how misogynistic Williams has been in the past.  The only one who really cared and actually did something about it was Williams’ ex-wife–she left him.  This isn’t even at the level of a sexual harassment lawsuit against Williams personally.  This group complaint is about three men he hired who he can claim (and has claimed) that he had no idea what they were up to in their prior jobs.

And… well… 2007-2009 was a long long time ago, back when dinosaurs ruled the Earth and people were playing Angry Birds instead of Candy Crush.

Do I sound like a misogynistic asshole right now for stating the truth?  We all know this will be the case when Rufus runs for office again.

How to get rid of him:

OK, OK, OK… so I sound a bit too fatalistic.   Fine.    So, given the environment we have with our local Democratically-corrupt pigpen, there is one way to get rid of Rufus.   Get a lot of people to run for his office in 2017.

By a lot I don’t mean just one or two challengers, but fifteen or more.  With that many people on the voting machine, the most uninformed Philly voters are likely to be confused and many will simply push one of the buttons in the first column of names or skip the race.  You as a candidate can decide whether or not you really want to actually campaign.

Your decision on whether you want to campaign will almost certainly come down to what your results are in the Coffee Can of Justice.    All Philly judges make it to the bench mainly by how their fate was determined by the bingo ball that came out of this coffee can which determines where your button will be located on the voting machine.

The District Attorney job has really never been left up to the Coffee Can of Justice.  Normally the Democrats pick someone who has been moving around party circles like a hawk and making friends for the better part of a year or more.   He or she then becomes ‘the favorite’ and Congressman Bob Brady throws his weight behind whoever he thinks is the most popular.

When you have 15 people on the voting machine, Brady will be forced to throw his weight behind whoever is listed first on the machine.   That’s why he endorsed a City Commissioner who never shows up for work.

The requirements:

You must be age 25 or older by the day you would submit your nomination petitions to the City Commissioners Office.  You need to have lived in Philadelphia for one year and it must have been at least two years since you passed the Pennsylvania Bar. [link]

Here’s the hard part.   Just like when I ran for Sheriff of Philadelphia, the DA is a citywide office and because of that you will need at minimum 1,000 signatures on a nomination petition in order to run.   That sounds daunting, and it’s even more daunting by the crappy weather that usually happens in late winter when petition season starts, but these days candidates throw petition parties to get to this number.

Petition forms have to be picked up from the City Commissioner’s Office and you only get a three week time window to get this done.   To avoid the chance of your petitions being challenged in court you need to get above 1,000 valid signatures.  If you’re running under a party brand, be it Democrat or Republican, you must get signatures of ONLY registered Democrats or Republicans, depending on your party.

If you want such a list, I can certainly give you the latest database of where those voters live in Philly [the state hands parts of this database out to reporters and candidates who want to run for office or for the general public upon request].

So, do you want to prepare to do this shit or you just gonna keep flapping your gums?

If you draw the best bingo ball Bob Brady will either endorse no one or he will love you, as gross as that might seem.   Because of the lopsided voter registration in Philly it doesn’t really matter how awful the Democratic primary winner is.

That Democrat will have the support of a large ignorant mass who isn’t paying attention.

And, well… there are a lot of people in Philly who would like to see a weak DA’s office.  They’re often the type of people who see the inside of a criminal courtroom and I’m not talking about the jury box.

So, if you’re sympathetic to the Black Lives Matter Movement, or you’re a feminist who passed the bar exam or you’re working on your law degree and will get it done this semester or you finished it this summer, you too could scare Rufus shitless for a solid three months and run for his job.

The only downside to running is that by some chance you actually win.   Don’t worry, you won’t be inside the courtroom actually trying cases.  The ADAs who work under you do that.  You’ll have to handle a mid-rise multistory building behind City Hall that is filled with contempt and low morale, and because you’ll be in law enforcement [in your case, actually enforcing the Commonwealth’s laws], you’ll become the subject of intense derision and devotion no matter what.

That, my friends, will teach him a lesson far more real than any bitchy-whining from City Council.

OK, I know some of you recent transplants to Philadelphia have no idea what this fascination over Milton Street is.  So, let me try to break it down for ya in one tiny blurb:

T. Milton Street Sr. is the brother of former Philadelphia Mayor John Street.   He got his start in Philadelphia as a lunch truck operator selling hot dogs.  From there he jumped into activism in the early 1970s and by the late 1970s he became a state representative and even a state senator.   Angry over being withheld from key committee assignments, while Street was a senator he switched his party registration to Republican which threw the chamber into chaos since the Democrats had only a one-seat majority.

He’s well-known for saying some outrageous stuff.

And he has a serious beef right now as well as his daughter with DA Seth Williams.